In my most recent August update blog, I talked about how I was looking forward to continuing wedding planning through the rest of the summer. I’ve found it hard to blog about my wedding, not because I’m not eager to talk about it, but because I’m hesitant to give away any specific details. I’m about 10 months away from the big day, so I still have lots of time to go and lots to plan as well.
We were engaged in October 2015 while we lived in England, so we had a good 10 months overseas to be engaged without the pressure of planning anything. I loved this time, to be honest. It was during this time that we came to a few different agreements about what we wanted our day to be like. Sometimes, in the business that is wedding planning, it’s easy to lose sight of what you really want most out of the day. Everything feels like an expensive race. I thought for today, as I am in the middle of picking all of the dresses and flowers, that I would reflect on what I keep in mind while I’m planning.
FIGURE OUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU
Before involving anybody, family or otherwise, my fiancé and I sat down and decided what we wanted our day to look like. It was in this conversation that we agreed on which details were super important for us to get right, and which didn’t require our stress or effort. For us, wedding colours, centrepieces, flowers, and what my bridesmaids wore were things we could let go. There’s a lot of expensive decisions to make when you’re planning a wedding and it is definitely easy to be controlling and try to micromanage every little detail. But at the end of the day, not all of it is important. Plus, you will have help – from the bridal party to family and friends, there will be lots of people to help you manage. Leave the little, unimportant things to your inner circle and spend time focusing on what you care about most. It makes a big difference.
STICK TO YOUR GUNS
Once you do figure out what is important, stick to your guns. Even if it seems petty. Even if you feel that people disapprove. It is your day. You should be happy. I totally understand the pressure of trying to keep everybody in your family happy. The stupid thing about planning a wedding is that everybody has been to one or two that they loved or hated. Everyone around you will have an opinion about what a perfect wedding looks like. Some people are traditional, some religious, some alternative – but nobody really knows what is best for you and your perfect day. At the end of the day, it’s your choice and you will only enjoy it if you stay true to who you are and what you want. So those details that you and your partner decided were important? Push hard for those to go the way you want and don’t relent for anybody.
BRING A COUPLE PEOPLE ONLY TO YOUR DRESS FITTINGS
I’m not the type of person to cry about a dress, but I am the type of person who is easily overwhelmed. If you watch bridal shows, the brides bring everybody they know to a fitting and it ends up messy as there are too many opinions. The very first time you try on a dress is a lot. Styles you envisioned looking amazing may not flatter you as you thought. You’re going to be figuring out your own preferred style through that first appointment, and the more people around, the less likely you are to build your own opinion. Bring one or two trusted people who you know will be honest but also respectful of your opinion first and foremost. Keep it small and honest.
Everybody has gone to a wedding. Ask them what they liked about it, and they probably won’t have much to say. In my experience, people remember uniqueness more than tradition. When it comes to what should or shouldn’t be part of a ceremony or reception, I think it’s important to take a look at traditional wedding norms and decide if they’re for you. I can say for certain, the garter and bouquet tosses are not my idea of fun and will not be part of my wedding. I don’t really feel that I’m revealing anything by saying that either! It just doesn’t mean anything to me. Just because it’s tradition doesn’t mean you have to include it. Find other things to do or other details to add that speak to you as a couple and partnership.
REMEMBER WHAT THE DAY IS ABOUT
I go back to this a lot because it’s important to me avoid getting caught up in the frivolity and materialism of wedding planning. I have 27 questions to answer about whether this fabric will clash with my own dress, or whether this shade of rose gold matches with this shade of taupe, or the types of flowers that should be in my bouquet. It’s all a little ridiculous. The day we get married isn’t about flowers or colours or food even. It’s about gathering our most loved family and friends to celebrate my relationship and our new life moving forward. A lot of the tiny details seem insignificant when I look at the bigger picture of it all.
Maybe these seem a little useless or redundant but I had to share them. I get comments a lot about how I am a laid back bride and many are surprised that I let go of control over certain details. The mantras above are why I can do that! I try not to be bothered by things I can’t control. I focus on what I want most out of my day, push hard for those things, stay true to my relationship and what my fiancé and I discussed about a year ago before we started planning. I know our day will be fine. I know that it will be lovely…so all of the small worries don’t matter as much.
Have you planned or helped plan a wedding? What did you focus on in that process? I’d love to hear!